the important and the not-so-important, horribly conflated.

Suggested Title: There’s No “I” in “Virtue”

In books on March 7, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Sarah Palin, beating the elitist mainstream media at their own game (publishing vacuous, pseudo-academic books):

With two million-plus copies of her memoir Going Rogue sold, Sarah Palin is set to make her second assault on the world of books with a new title which will celebrate “American virtues and strengths”.

The as-yet-untitled book by the former Republican vice-presidential candidate was announced yesterday in a statement from her publisher, HarperCollins. The publisher told American press that the new book would “include selections from classic and contemporary readings that have inspired [Palin], as well as portraits of some of the extraordinary men and women she admires and who embody her love of country, faith, and family”. [via the Guardian]

HarperCollins has given me an exclusive sneak peak of Sarah’s “10 Commandiments: Virtues to Slather Over Your All-American Family Dinner of Bison Flesh,”  a tablet-shaped fold-out poster included with the hardcover edition:

10. Thou shalt ignore pesky “nutrition labels” when purchasing food. God didn’t staple calorie counts to the delicious walking hamburgers in the Garden.

9. Thou shalt always buy in bulk. The mouth lacerations you get from eating 64-packs of Doritos will remind you of the humbler times in your life—you know, when you, like any Real American child, ate rocks.

8. Thou shalt eat meals that are entirely yellow.

7. Thou shalt stone anyone who uses the words “Organic,” “Locavore,” or “CSA”—unless by “CSA” they mean Confederate States of America.

6. Thou shalt feed your family enough to maintain an aggregate weight greater than a mini cooper.

5. Thou shalt eat at least one Big Government-monicker’d “endangered species” per week.

4. Thou shalt give your children 2 liters daily the God-nectar that flowed through the Garden from the Beginning: Mountain Dew.

3. Thou shalt eat meat at every meal.

2. Thou shalt not mourn the vegetarians that God smites.

1. Thou shalt accept Obesity & Diabetes as badges of your citizenship in Real America.

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